Lack Of Cohesion
I just close my eyes and try to ignore the smoke around me… The smell is too power-full and suffocating me.. I run and hide from all of my silly, stupid even, problems.. that never let me see the real life..
Seems I have a problem.. like every other normal human. I push people away. Exactly the people I love the most. I can’t function normally while err.. LOVING and co. It’s just so awkward.. argh stupid brains.
Anyhow.. changing the subject.. I love the Danube in this time of the year.. so quiet and still alive.. Been Friday to see it.. and it was starting to melt down.. Hearing big chunks of ice hit one another.. feel the peace.. Tomorrow I’m taking the tent and moving near the Danube. 
Suicide..
Aargh I’m so pissed ) I wrote for like 20 minutes on my blog.. and then.. all of a sudden, the electricity went to sleep. Didn’t had time to save what I wrote PIssed me. People talking bs piss me way more…
I hate when someone starts saying how much he/she wants to die.. Because life suckz.. etc bla bla. What the hack do we know about death, other than that it’s for eternity and irreversible. Why would you want to be dead? Uhm well if you are in great pain and there’s no other cure for you.. then death is ok to be wanted. But just because you had a fight with your girl/boy friend. Or you’ve lost your job.. and other mortal things like that.. doesn’t mean life suckz.. Or does it? Life is too precious and fragile.. and wonderful..
I’ve seen a dead man today. He was carried to the cemetery. Why carry a corpse all around the city? 
Folks will remember him that way. I wish to be cremated.. [1/26/2006]. Death is just the high cost of living.. At least finish your life.. and then die.. Don’t commit suicide…… This message is for a friend of mine.
Winter Days
So this is winter… It makes people stick together as I could see. Made me want to call my grandparents and ask them if they are ok. People calling just to say “Hey wear a hat, it’s freezing outside!”. I think this is X-mas spirit. We all had it because of the cold weather. Made us look for warm.. warm houses.. warm souls, warm food even. Maybe I’m babbling like I always do but it’s so damn cold everywhere you go. (The pic was taken 1 hour ago, or so)
Freedom, Peace and everything else
We all want this, though we don’t always admit it. Freedom.. hippie style. Some of us try to be free, but then we remind ourselves of our ordinary life. Getting lost in this stupid crap society. Trying to get to high-school at first, college afterwards.. and then get a decent job. Myeah we all know the story. People nowadays live the same life.. in series. If someone doesn’t follow the rules.. well then he’s an outlaw. A freak of nature.. might as well be an inmate cause it wouldn’t make a damn difference.
Is this what I want for me? Of course NOT. The best thing I could do is follow what I feel is right for me. So that when it all come to an end.. I’d feel that everything I’ve done was for my own peace, for my soul and body. Nothing fake. Here it comes the herd feeling that we all have. If we want to fit in we have to follow the rules and then live a life without knowing if the choices we’ve made were for us.. or for others. The thing is that no one cares about the things you do, as long as we don’t hurt them.. but we all have this stupid idea that everyone is following us.. keeps an eye on us. (the Godish idea). And this makes us take dumb decisions that will lead us through life.
I am so babbling around. The main idea is that I have absolutely no intention of following the system. Why follow it? Others are and I don’t see anyone blossoming with happiness. And I am sure not waiting for God and all it’s glory heaven to make me happy. I’ll make my own happiness.. here on Earth. Maybe I won’t find it.. but at least I’ve made my life a big crap with my own stupid retarded ideas.. and not with someone elses.. Nites [ I'll b reading this whenever losing contact with myself ]
I tawt I taw a puddycat..
Well.. got a message from someone today.. this link included. It bothers me too that nowadays when I switch to cartoon-network.. I don’t get to hear Scooby’s voice, Tweety’s voice, Silvester’s, Dexter’s, Edd’s and Co.’s.. etc etc. And I think not doubling the voices.. and leaving the cartoons in English.. is a good way to make youngsters learn English. I mean it’s enough with Fox-Kids and Mini-Max.. Damn it. I thought Cartoon-Network was Romanian free. Well guess again. I’m quite sure that the petition won’t change a thing. But huh.. nothing lost trying and all.
Meh’s very down.. Damn weather. I thoght I was never gonna get to school today. So damn cold. And it’s gonna be worse. Fancy nature what can I tell. Eh but I won’t start picking up on the USA & the rest of the huge, colossal even, countries, for not slowing down the polution and other stuff like that.. neah I’m not in the mood for a political-ecological whatever discussion with my self. Neah.. I just want this semestre to end already. It feels like ages since school started.. Two more weeks to go.. and then freedome. Well not really.. I have English, Romanian langs and History olympics. Makes me wonder what the fuck am I doing in a math-info class. I have absolutely no idea.. i know i hate it.
Nevermore & me
I am sentient number six, I stand in line
I am the prototype of a benign convenience for mankind
Superior is digital, human flesh so trivial
I hate that I can’t see the one that made me
[Nevermore - Sentiend 6]
The most awesome guitars since Metallica, Venom and all it’s glory. Nevermore really kicks arse. Left me breathless when I first heard them. Somehow I thoght that metal bands had nothing more to prove. Well I was so phuckin wrong.
Na na na. Except listening to music, these days.. I’ve been busy doing nothing important. Monday, going with Flo` to LMK(high-school) in order to “teach” and present some material about drugs etc.. well no one was announced that we were coming, so we wasted time for nothing. Tuesday I had an exam on math (“teza”). Monday and Tuesday I got left offline (don’t even want to remember >:|). Wednesday.. what the phuck did I do on Wednesday?? Seems nothing fancy.. same goes with Thursday. Today I’ve been at Save the Children again.. got myself into a stupid situation ) lame even. But then again I always get myself into trouble. Tomorrow, err i ough to go to the musical theatre with Florin.. Uhm I’m definately going. Sunday is quality time with Alina and Simona?!? Yep. Monday.. have absolutely no clue. And on Tuesday we have to go back to LMK. This time to make it right..
Where..?
Some days ago someone asked me where’s my fav place on Earth, and if I’d like to visit it. I had no exact answer for the question, mostly because of the large variety of places that were running wildly through my head. So I thoght I’d make a list with the places that I want to visit..
My set off was Bucharest, Romania.. Going south to Bulgaria and then Greece (Athens). Crossing the Mediteranean Sea, reaching Libya. Then visit the piramids in Egipt.. and the western part of Africa.. surrounding it.. Cape Town, Mozambique and Tanzania.
After that, Madagascar :X. It must be something exciting, and soul searching!?! .. seeing the sun rise in so many places..
Going by boat from Madagascar to AL-Yaman, and Saudi-Arabia afterwards. Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan. It would be great for me to get out of the Middle East alive, due to the conflicts in the area.
India would be my next stop, better said New Delhi and Calcutta. Then swimming, err sailling all the way to Port Hedland in Australia. Going to Porth to swim with the whale-sharks 
. Making my way then through the Victoria desert, by train. All the way to Sydney. Bathing in the Pacific Ocean.. learning how to surf maybe?!? From Sydney I’d go to New Guineea, since I don’t much about the place..
Next on the list.. Indonesia, Malaysia, and Vietnam. China looks iinteresting too Visit the Great Wall and then Mongolia. Ridding ancestral horses.. Since Kazakstan isn’t looking very appealing I’ll go to Russia..Go inside the artic cirlce and freeze my ass for a while . Crossing the Bering Strait.. to Alaska, then Canada. Vancouver.. and the the USA.. Seattle, Salt Lake City, Chigago, Detroit, New York.. Going south afterwards..Washington and all .. until I reach Mexico and I go for a walk in Tenochtitlan. Aah.. Guatemala, Salvador, Costa Rica, Panama, Columbia and all the Pacific Coast of South America.. Peru.., Chile then on the otherside Argentina.. Brasil. Good gratious.. it’s gonna take a while .
Next stop Island.. Then Europe. So many places to see and so little time.. Argh.. In fact the only thing I want is to have a farm.. somewhere in the North, Norway probably.. sitting in a cradle and drinking my hot tea..
So the conclusion was that my fav place on Earth was/is Earth itself.. with all it’s corners..( though it’s round-ish..:lol: )
Diaries
Today I’ve found a box in the house. It’s the box where I keep my diaries. Since 5th gray, till a year ago. Started reading them up and reminded most of my “childhood”. Most of my feelings, fears.. likes and dislikes. It’s weird meeting with the old you. As I read, it felt as if I was reading the diary of some stranger I’ve never met. I never wrote about the exact things that I did in a certain day, but wrote about emotions.
All of them are written in english. Or a semi-english.. anyhows it was a weird feeling. Yeah I’ve changed.. a little bit. Most of the ideas seem foolish and innocent. Then progressively, focused my ideas on not so innocent things, or better said.. I’ve started to realise what was going on around me. Religion, culture and inner self.. Had different opinions then the ones I have now.
I feel like I should burn them.. Those thoghts are my innermost feelings, so intimate.. And somehow.. burning them would make me get rid of the past me. It’s not like I don’t like the way I used to be.. but one must live the present.. and with them around me, I’ll always be tented to read them up again, remembering and having nostalgic moods.
Priceless
,,Meet me in outer space. We could spend the night; watch the earth come up. I’ve grown tired of that place; won’t you come with me? We could start again. Make me feel like I do. How do you do it? It’s better than I ever knew. Meet me in outer space. I will hold you close, if you’re afraid of heights. I need you to see this place, it might be the only way that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you” [Incubus • Stellar]
This night is delicious.. Went outside for a while to feed the few cats I have around my garden, and a warm feeling of peace and joy came all over me. No clouds on the sky, just stars..Came back in the house.. everything so quiet. Folks & brother sleeping. Opened the window and smelled the cold, the peace. Listening to Incubus. I want all of my nights to be like this one. Simple and worry-free.
www.milliondollarhomepage.com
Friday morning: Me getting bored with some colleagues, doing whatever they call it, school work, duty kind of thing “de serviciu”.
One of my colleagues buys a newspaper.. what do I see? A huge article about some guy, from England. Dammit I’ve lost the article. Anyhow, this guy was searching a way to pay for his college taxes. When he got the great idea of turning his homepage into a million dots, and sell for a buck a dot, to anyone who wanted to put his logo on the site. A square of 10-by-10 pixels, roughly the size of a letter of type, costs $100. He issued a press release when he made $1000 and the news spread all around the media, Internet etc.
He’s on his way to $1 million. Arrgh how I envy and appreciate him. 
Check out his blog to find out more, and of course see the site for yourself.
Words..
Yeey so finally I have some time to post. This week was full. It’s not over yet but since I’m not going to school tomorrow, i might say it’s over.
Hurray!
I’ve been reading mostly. Started a few books. I hope to finish them all before january ends. Two books written by Hesse and one by William Burroughs. This Burroughs guy had a very interesting life I might say. He’s not your average writer. He’s more of a punk-junky thing, but with genious ideas , and has the power to shock. Some lines go like this, I’m sure the translation is bad :
”A man lives in a cottage. A stranger comes and asks him for directions to Ayahuasca. «Oh, this way senor.» He carries the stranger here and there. «The road must be somewhere around here» Suddenly he realises that he has absolutely no clue where the road to Ayahuasca is, so why bother?? He takes a big rock and smashes the strangers head.” [William Burroughs - Queer (Pederast in romanian)]
Another thing I’ve started is Demian by Herman Hesse. I haven’t made my mind about this one yet.
I had English today. We’ve made some exercises etc and then the teacher gaved us a sentence and we had to develope the story, or try to guess what the story was about. Finally we came up with our own story .. I don’t remeber the exact same words but it went like this :
” As he woke up, he started to feel a deep pain all over his body. He opened his eyes and saw a nurse. Asked her where he was. The nurse told him that he was safe. That he had just survived from Hyroshima. The man asked the exact place where he
was. The nurse told him again not to be scared. That he was safe in Nagasaki.”
Snooker & Darts
Uhu.. we have a new world-champion. A new guy in the world of professional darts players. He’s from The Netherlands. No one thoght he was going to win, neither do I to be honest. I’m not sure if he’s prepared, it’s a lot of stress . Next time he’ll lose. The game was held at Lakeside Country Club in Camberley, UK.
Another thing I can’t wait to see is the Snooker World Championship in april-may. It’s qualifying time now. Qualifying until march. :bored:.
Something is wrong
I want to be just like Knulp. A Herman Hesse’s novel hero. I’ve started to read the short book tonight and it was something like a flash-back.. reminding myself of the way I used to be. I’ve realised that in the last couple of months I’ve become more and more superficial. I’ve become something that I used to hate sometime ago. I don’t like this new me. Is it just growing up? Being superficial and forgetting that you have more than one body and sometimes brain to feed? Where are all of those hours of meditating about nothing? Those days when I cared f*** about the world.. but still think about it. Life is one weird scene.
Most of my hopes and dreams that i used to have a year ago, are gone. Some new ideas and craps developing inside my head. But I still miss my old me.
I’m wondering whether I’ve changed because of the people around me. Trying to fit into groups?!? No this can’t be me.. Or is it me?
No use trying to understand now, I’ll lose myself into some good book, ( nothing related to school though ). And try to get over it. That’s that. Nites.
Too Far?
It’s a common thing nowadays to see folks with pierced noses, eyebrows, ears, belly-buttons, or people that wear tattoos. But this thing kind-of shocked me. Like omfg.. I never thought it was possible or even fashionable ). Yes we are all trying to be different, trying to get out of the herd.. but this is.. well.. uhm…really freaky. What next? Here’s the thing I was talking about
Going to School
I don’t want to. Some 10 mins before i have to go to school. Ugh! I don’t want to. Not even the thought of meeting my classmates doesn’t make me want to go. It’s so damn early, and i only slept for 5 hours. My body is set to go to sleep at 3 in the morning and wake up at 1-2pm. I suppose it’s a normal thing for me to feel this tired.. Anyhow, I don’t wanna go to school . It’s so cold outside.. and ugh there are lots of better things to do.. like.. washing my shoes? o.O Or maybe not, but I could use a few extra hours of sleep.. just in case I run out of sleeping hours. OK! Off to School.
The eMail (&missing thing)
Got up this morning, you may read that as “afternoon” as well. etc etc.. I had a new e-mail. From Teo Dobrin. Like Who the f*** is that?? After reading it I understood it was the author of “Cum mi-am petrecut vacanta de vara”, a great book that I read a year ago or so. He’d seen my blogger profile, and his book was in the fav thingy. I replied & moved the e-mail to Special emails. Something is missing from this post.. mmhm.. what is it? Oh yeah.. IT’S BORING. Going to see Girl Interrupted for the 2nd time now.. Still.. something is missing..
Got mocked
Yees I am a fool. Someone sent me a .exe file today. Bs-ing about it that.. aah i am such a fool . Anyhow, i opened it and it got stuck to my Y!m. It was funny at first, changed my status.. ( writing about some gay thing ). After a while it got serious. As serious as a status message can get. Got offline and still.. there it was. I reinstalled Y!m hoping this was the end of the funny status message.. but NO!! It was the same crap. And some other folks from my list got the same crap 2. Arrgh!! I was about to reinstall windows when good ‘old’ brother saved me . Solved the problem with some Run setups. So never accept an .exe file from someone you don’t know.. or you don’t trust.
Family and co.
1:33 am Friday the 6th of January, 2006
Grr.. my net connection is dead. I’m not home, I’m at my aunt’s . She’s sleeping and i want `some` Internet.
This is so sucky. I have to go2bed now. Really sucky. Plus it stopped snowing.
Listening to Celelalte Cuvinte – Homepage. Aaah the lyrics. *headshot* )
1:33 pm Friday the 6th of January, 2006
I woke up late. Actually my 7 year old cousin woke me up when he turned on the computer. Last night the Internet was dead.. and now he was downloading with 80k. Such a big bs.
After seeing him download almost every game that he laid his eyes on.. I started to ‘preach’ him.. like my uncle once did to me. My cousin must hate me now. Anyhows.. went to my aunt’s office ( It was lunch time ), babbled around, then headed straight home. Went with mum and dad for some shopping’s.
What’s the use of this post? I don’t know.. Seems i spend a lot of time with my family. Is it a good thing? A bad thing?
Foamy
I suppose everyone knows Foamy, if not.. get to know him 
. He’s a cartoon character. Very funny and straight to the subject. I like him/it. Here’s a little something that ‘he’ said, i hope there’s something for you folks to learn.
Dear foamy
why don’t you have a girlfriend?oh jeez here we go
Dear hopeless romantic
I don’t have a girlfriend because i don’t need to validate my existence through the existence of somebody else. Having a girlfriend does not make you a better person, nor does it prove to the rest of your friends that you’re cool., I’m personally 100% confident in my own personality, to be able to live a viable existence without having to have a fucking leech clinging to my wallet! The rest of humanity would do well to follow the example of foamy! Stop getting into superficial relationship bullshit. Most of the individuals misery usually comes from a significant other, a bad relationship,a bad marriage, or some bullshit like that. How about getting to know yourself, and living life? See! Supreme logic from the supreme being! meha!
My new blog
Yeey I have a new weblog. I got rid of blogger and got this new..thing. It’s brand new so excuse me for not writting something interesting , I just don’t know.. it’s so new.. *babbling now*. Au Revoir!
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